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Getting To: Forgiveness

 

Why do I need to forgive them?

Just wait a minute.  I am expected to forgive them for the pain they caused me?  Somehow that doesn’t seem fair or logical.  Besides, they don’t seem to really care or even want me to forgive them.  And this is something I “need” to do?

I have been forgiven, if I am one of God’s children

Everyone has made mistakes and messed up (except, of course for Jesus).  I know I have made my share of problems for myself and others as well, sometimes even on purpose.  I am really glad God has forgiven me and my past is not piled up against me!

If I do not forgive, God will not forgive me.

Mark 11:26 (NKJV) “But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.”  So, when they ask me I have to forgive them, right?

What if they don’t ask for it?

What if they have gotten on with their life and really don’t care about my hurt and certainly don’t show any love for me or they would not have done this.  Why should I even consider forgiving to them?

Col 3:12 - 13 (NKJV) “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.”

Forgiving allows my healing to proceed and is the only road to real peace

If I continue to let this burn inside me I will continue to hurt.  If I refuse to let it go, I am choosing to let it be a chain anchoring me to this place of pain.  I really want and need to move on!

Eph 4:32 (NKJV) “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

Holding on to something filled with pain is like holding a hot potato.  The burning continues until I cannot feel it anymore and I am scarred for life.  The faster I turn it lose, the faster I will find healing.  I realize it is a choice which allows God to fill me with something other than the pain.

Phil 4:6 - 7 (NKJV) “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

What am I forgiving?

The action against me was painful and the hurt is deep.  I care about the person but really hate what they did to me.  It is so wrong and so unloving. I will turn lose of the hurt and turn lose of the pain resulting from the action. I will give up any requirement for punishment or the expectation for penalty (though there are still natural consequences).  I do not have the ability or right to exact punishment.  I will let God take care of that.

Rom 12:19 (NKJV) “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.”

I know this doesn’t mean I approve of the actions or attitudes.  It certainly doesn’t imply I am “OK” with what happened.  It does mean I am trying to separate the person from the actions (just like God does with me).

Forgiving myself is sometimes even harder!

Even when I turn it loose and even if I was not at fault I still have feelings of guilt.  However, I know this is normal and I must consciously forgive myself also.

When must I forgive?

ASAP

Getting to forgiveness is a process which takes time.  Time to realize I need to forgive.  Time to get over the control my emotions have on me.  Time to realize I am hurting only myself and my relationship with God and others.  I know as long as I am suffering my friends and family suffer with me.

Knowing I must climb this hill toward forgiving is a challenge, even before I start.  I do know others have gone there already and I can also.  I do know the sooner I start, the sooner I can see beyond the hard path.  With the help of my God and my friends I will keep climbing and I will get there!

Before becoming weighted down by guilt and the burden of the pain

Just like a person on a hike, I look forward to being able to get the pack off and feel light again.  I look forward to reaching the summit and seeing beyond the rocks and trees to a new and exciting view of the world.  I am getting tired of carrying this and will dump it and move forward!

How can I get there?

I need time to prepare myself

I will get my emotions back in check; separate my feelings from my knowledge of what is right; spend time with friends and family to encourage me and guide me; spend time in prayer; and finally make a plan for how I will make this happen.  It will be a very deliberate and well thought-out decision which I cannot retract.

I must tell them

I will tell them of my hurt and disappointment and of my choice to move on.  I will tell them of the fact I forgive them for what they did.  I will tell them in a loving and clear way.  It may be by letter, by text message, by e-mail, or even face-to-face.  It will be something I cannot “take back” or erase.  They may not seem to care.  They may not respond or even acknowledge my feelings.  That is their choice.  I have done my part.

Do I have to forget what happened?

I likely am not capable of intentionally forgetting events, especially something painful.  However, I must choose to put it behind and never bring it up again, ever! This is the love God has for me and the love I chose to have for those who hurt me.

We are here to help you!

John 13:35 (NKJV) “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Please consider our sincere offer to listen, talk, and share concerns about the future as well as an opportunity for Bible study together at any time.

 

For more information please contact us:
Killen Church of Christ
1560 Hwy 72E.
Killen, AL 35645
Phone 256-757-2918
kchurchofchrist@bellsouth.net

 
 

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